This link is dedicated to Tyler and Justin Dearing.  It is one thing to lose them, but another to live without them.  It is hard to believe it has been a year since we lost our two boys.  Each day seems to bring new challenges and continuing emotions.  We have been involved with a couple of organizations that has helped us through this past year.  First was with the parental loss grief group through Bromenn Regional hospital.  This group of parents, all of which have lost a baby, has given us great comfort and counseling to help us heal and mourn our children.  This has also been an avenue for us to help others and give comfort to them as they experience similar situations.  The second organization is the March of Dimes.  We were asked this past year to be the ambassador family and have spoke a several events, sharing our experience and telling our story of Love, Loss and Hope.  The main mission of the March of dimes is research and prevention of preterm birth, so we felt drawn to help with this mission, and hope our involvement with this organization can help others.  

As always, thanks goes out to all our family and friends that have helped us through this time in our life.  God Bless Us One and All !

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We would first like to thank everyone for all the thoughts and prayers you have given and continue to give us! Thank you so very much!

We have created this web page to keep everyone updated on our situation.  
(Scroll down for latest update or click here to jump to it)

As most already knew, Jackie was pregnant with twin boys due on March 11, 2005.  In the early am hours on Thursday November 18 she started to feel preterm labor symptoms including abdominal cramping and increased back pain.  Immediately upon her doctor office opening at 8 am, it was determined that she was having contractions and needed to be admitted to Bromenn hospital in Bloomington for observation and bed rest.  That afternoon the contractions were not stopping and they ordered her to be Air lifted to Carle Hospital in Urbana, IL.  After an evening of trying to control the contractions and those attempts failing, it seemed delivery was inevitable.    

Friday - November 19, 2004

Just after 8 am the doctor arrived and checked Jackie who was already dilated to a 6.  An ultrasound indicated Baby A was head down, but Baby B was not, meaning that a c-section would be necessary.  The doctor left to order the Operating Room be prepared and Brad, nearly speechless, phoned his Mom.  With nurses explaining c-section details to Jackie,  she felt her water break and Baby A was on his way into the world.  Jackie was rushed to the O.R. and in a matter of minutes and only 2 pushes, Baby A, Tyler Michael Dearing, was born at 8:45 am, 1 pound 7 1/2 oz and only 12 inches long.  He was a beautiful mini-preemie!!  The doctor was unsuccessful at moving  Baby B in the downward position for natural birth, so Jackie was then put under by the anesthetist for c-section.  At 9:00 am, Baby B, Justin Allen Dearing was born, 1 pound 6 ounces, 12 inches-another beautiful mini-preemie.     Each  baby had their own team of doctors and nurses working on them in the O.R. and they were soon transported to the NICU (newborn intensive care unit) to receive special care.  These two are only 24 weeks in gestation (3 months early, so very premature).

Saturday - November 20, 2004

This was a hard day for all of us.  Mid-morning we were called down to the NICU and were notified that Tyler had developed an embolism on the brain.  The bleeding was very severe and it quickly took Tyler's life.  He passed away around 10:50 am.  We know that he is in a better place in heaven with Jesus.  We cling to God's promise that "he has gone to prepare a place for each and every one of us" and one day we will be reunited with him.   The hardest part of today was mourning the loss of Tyler and at the same time celebrating the life of Justin, and remaining strong for him.  We made a decision today to change Justin's middle name from "Allen" to "Michael" in remembrance of Tyler.  Justin also received a brain sonogram and it indicated some (small) amount of bleeding on his brain as well.  A follow up will be given on Friday.

Sunday - November 21, 2004

Another difficult day as we learned that Justin has developed fluid in both lungs.  Doctors upgrade his ventilator/respirator to maintain pressures and adjust oxygen levels.  Throughout the entire time, doctors and nurses constantly monitor/check many conditions including "blood gases" (ph levels, oxygen, platelet, white blood cells, red blood cells, etc).   At the early age of only 24 weeks, babies have so many variables to control and monitor. 

Here is a picture of Justin at 3 days old! (he is hooked to several monitors, has a ventilator and very tiny)

Monday - November 22, 2004

Justin's lungs are stable and no more fluid has entered his lungs.  His blood work is coming back better and he is fairly stable.  He is easily agitated and they had to sedate him and administer some morphine for pain.  Jackie is released and we had to leave the hospital.  We had an appointment to meet with the Pastor of West Twin Grove Christian Church (Bill Smith) regarding Tyler's funeral scheduled for Wednesday.   It is really hard to be away, but there is only so much we can do, as his fragile and critical state doesn't allow much stimulation including touch.  He is in an incubator and has many monitors attached as well as temperature and humidity must be controlled.  

Tuesday - November 23, 2004

Today we met with the funeral home and made plans for Tyler.  This was a very difficult time.  No significant changes with Justin - Status quo.

Wednesday - November 24, 2004

Another painful day - mixed feelings.  Justin began feedings (mom's milk), and Tyler is laid to rest.  What a confusing day - celebrating life and mourning loss.  The weather today is absolutely horrible.  The 2 inches of light snow turned into 5 inch blizzard with very strong winds.  We thank all that braved the terrible weather and came to the funeral.  With everything happening so quickly, we were unable to meet with many of you, but appreciate your being there so very much.  You are all special and your compassion and thoughtfulness is so comforting. Thank you!  Several of you came to our home and ate lunch with us, thanks so much for caring and your sympathy.  Our electric went out just as we returned home and was out until 3:00 am the following morning.  Wow, what a day!    

The nurses indicated that the Patent Ductus Arteriosus has closed - Good news!   No other significant changes in Justin - Status quo.

Thursday - November 25, 2004

Today we visited Justin!  He was doing better, still sedated, but lungs were looking better and no increase in fluid - good news!  Dr. Gregory is to implant another main I-V for drawing blood.  

Friday - November 26, 2004

Justin is one week old today!

Today Justin receives his weekly brain sonogram.  Prayers are for positive results with no increase in bleeding on the brain.  Blood work is still coming back good and no significant changes in his health. Still lots and lots of monitoring and 24/7 around the clock checks and adjustments to the ventilator. 

Saturday - November 27, 2004

We visited Justin Today.  All the blood work and his monitoring was looking well.  However, the I-V from Thursday was not in properly, so they will try again on Sunday.  The main I-V in his belly button can only be kept there for so long.  The worst news of the day was when the doctor met with us regarding the brain scan.  The results were not what we had hoped and prayed for.  The scan indicated more bleeding on the brain (Intraventricular hemorrhage).  This is not good news.  He indicated that the future is very uncertain.  Although the hemorrhaging is not as bad as was Tyler's and not life threatening today, however they will do another brain scan next Friday to check for developments.  He did indicate that he may loose some brain tissue which can lead to developmental disabilities and/or cerebral palsy.  He did also mention that there is still a possibility that he could recover.  

So, now, more than ever, he needs your prayers!     

Sunday - November 28, 2004

Today Justin seems to be stable and the blood work has come back alright.  There was however an indication for possible infection - they are rechecking to see if is was an error at the lab, because all other indications is that there is no infection.  Due to this, the Doctor decided not to redo the I-V until the new test comes back tomorrow.   
Please continue to pray for him.

Monday - November 29, 2004

Today we visited Justin.  He was stable, but test confirm an infection.  He will receive an antibiotic.  Swelling was down and he looked better.  Jackie  was able to comfort him in his incubator by putting her hands around him and "held" him for quite a while.  This was allowed due to him being less agitated than previous days.

Tuesday - November 30, 2004

Justin's blood sugar was low, treated with sugar water.  Feedings stopped for now due to irregular bowel movement.  They are letting his bowels rest a couple of days and will hopefully start the feedings again later this week.  Elevated CO2 levels, still on morphine.  Current weight - 1 pound 10 ounces.

Wednesday - December 1, 2004

His eyes have opened!  He does not leave them open all the time, just squints every now and then to take a peek at his new world.  He is more active today and the nurses were able to turn down his ventilator as they hope to get him completely off it soon.  We visited Justin today and were able to take some pictures (click here).  Jackie even helped change his diaper! Still fighting the infection.  They had to take out one of his IVs (Umbilicial IV) due to the infection.  They hope to implant another IV on Friday.  

Friday is going to be an incredibly important milestone, with many new developments expected and test to be run, including another brain sonogram.  
Prayers are needed more than ever to ensure his well being. 

Thursday - December 2, 2004

Decreasing ventilator settings, which is a good sign that Justin might be able to come off this one soon.  Temporary iv's are doing ok-very important until the new main iv can be run tomorrow.  This evening they are going to start small feedings (mom's milk) again every 8 hours.  Jackie really hopes Justin will do better with this as it can be very beneficial to brain and other developments as he continues to mature.  The infection is still a big concern and they are giving him a more powerful antibiotic.  We found out that all of the sonograms will actually be taken this afternoon.  This is being done as a matter of convenience/scheduling, not due to any major concerns or change of his condition.  Results will still be given to us tomorrow, so still a BIG day on Friday!

Friday December 3, 2004

2 WEEKS OLD TODAY!!  Today we visited Justin!  The nurses said that he was having a pretty good day.  His blood tests were coming back alright, and he seemed to be feeling better today.  They were even able to give him a modified sponge bath, he really seemed to like that!  The respiratory therapist had weaned him down on the ventilator enough to move him to a different (less powerful ventilator - which Justin seems to be doing well adjusting to - Great news!!!!  With hopes to soon get him off it all together.  The cardiologist came to put in the new IV (A central line, very important) and it was a success- great news!!!!!  The main doctor was not in when we visited, however the nurse indicated that the doctor had said that the brain scan had not changed (Good news!!)  That would indicate that the bleeding had not continued since the last scan!!!  They will do another next Friday to check for development.  We have to wait and get the full story when we talk to the doctor- probably on Sunday.  The internal organ sonogram that was also done, indicated "all system go!"  Everything looked like it should at this time.  

Evening- Justin's skin color was a little pale and he needed some blood, and his blood sugars were a little low, so they gave him some insulin. They had just performed the IV surgery when we arrived, so he was still sedated, but he slowly started coming out of sedation when we were there.  His eyes were more open and we could see more of them.  Still hard to see a color yet, maybe dark blue? (most babies are born with blue eyes and the color darkens as they age).  

Today was definitely an important milestone for Justin (and us too) with turning 2 weeks old.  This has been an emotional roller coaster with so many up's and down's.    Time seems to have little relevance at moments when you are so unsure of what the future will bring.  Sometimes we look back and wonder how we made it through those moments.  We know that with God all things are possible and are believing that Justin will be our miracle child!  A Bible verse that has helped us stay strong is Mark 11:24 "Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe you have received it, and it will be yours."  

Thank you for your continued prayers and support.  The cards and phone calls continue to come in.  We cannot begin to express our thanks enough to all of you!  The love, compassion and caring we have seen and felt over the past 2 weeks is incredible.  As Clarence stated in It's a Wonderful Life, "No man is a failure who has friends."

Thank you all!  

Saturday December 4, 2004

Justin had a busy night.  Feedings are going well.  He had some low blood gas readings, but with some adjustment, they are looking better now.  His color looks better after them giving him some blood yesterday.  Everything seems to be going very well, however he is still in critical condition and needs constant monitoring.  The latest blood cultures to test for the infection have come back negative, indicating it may be gone!!!  They will monitor this and continue with antibiotics for another 7 days.  They also took out the IV's that were in Justin's scalp, so now his main IV is the one they put in his shoulder Friday.   

Sunday December 5, 2004

What a day!  Justin comes out of the isolet (incubator) for a few hours!  Jackie was able to hold him for about 3 hours this afternoon.  They call this "kangaroo care."  Jackie holds him to her chest which makes him feel more secure and calm.  This is said to really help the development and recovery of premature babies.  This is only allowed when babies are somewhat stable, so this is a great sign.  The feedings are going well right now and they will increase the number of feedings each day.  

Monday December 6, 2004

Another "Kangaroo Care" day!  Jackie held Justin for about 3 hours.  He seems to be progressing nicely and tolerating his feedings.  They are giving him about 2 cc's of moms milk every 6 hours.  Here are a couple of great pics taken today.  Thank you Nancy (Brad's mom) for taking Jackie over today and spending some time with her and Justin.
 

Tuesday December 7, 2004

We learned this morning that Justin had a rough night, but is doing ok.  Basically what occurred was an increase in mucus clogged his ventilator tube and that affected quite a few other things, such as his heart rate and oxygen levels to drop alot.  In preemies this is a pretty scary thing, but is fairly common.  Typically suctioning corrects this, but since this was pretty severe as it actually plugged the tube, but they caught it right away and the episode lasted only 5-10 minutes.

When Jackie and Nancy went over to visit him in the pm today he also had another small episode, so they are monitoring him closely.  His ventilator had to be adjusted up quite a bit and he is also on an insulin drip to compensate the low blood sugar levels caused by his instability.

He did have his eyes open a little, but no kangaroo care today as he needs a great deal of rest to fully recover from these slight set backs.  And he has found his thumb!  Even with the ventilator tube, he is able to barely get his thumb in his mouth.  Of course Jackie was really excited to see this and the nurses said this is just fine too.  

Wednesday December 8, 2004

Justin has been doing better today.  They were able to turn the ventilator down slightly, oxygen levels are back down to normal and blood gases are also looking good.  Feedings seem to be going well too and are now occurring every 4 hours (started every 8, then down to 6 and now 4).  The feedings (mom's milk) are given through his feeding tube in very small amounts,  slowly given over a 2 hour period.

He is still being given the antibiotic for a few more days, but all signs still indicate he has overcome that-way to go Justin!!  We are so proud of all the progress he has made over the many challenges he has faced.  He truly already is our miracle, soon to be 3 weeks old (or 27 weeks gestation if still in the womb) already this Friday.  WOW!!  

Tomorrow they will be doing his 3rd brain scan to check for the status of the intraventricular hemorrage (blood on the brain).  We appreciate your continued prayers  for Justin.  It is very important that his body be able to reabsorb the blood and that no more bleeding occurs.   Thank you all! We will meet with the doctor either Friday or Saturday regarding the results, which we firmly believe will continue to improve.  

As Justin continues improving tonight, Jackie looks forward to more kangaroo care time with him tomorrow.  Sadly this was temporarily put on hold until he has shown consistent signs of stability.  Jackie misses singing "Jesus Loves Me" and snuggling with Justin and knows he misses it too.             

Thursday December 9, 2004

Today was another pretty good day for all of us.  Justin remains more stable, so Jackie was able to kangaroo care him-woo hoo!  It's just a wonderful time for both of them.  He was pretty sleepy throughout it and very cuddly.  He is a little heater too, just like his Dad, as during kangaroo Jackie lifts the blankets up a little as it really gets warm!

Feedings are now about every 3 hours and he has been gaining weight, up to 1 pound, 14 ounces-soon to be 2 pounds!  His ventilator is still turned up quite a bit, but his oxygen levels are doing better.

As Jackie held Justin, the nurses came in and did the brain sonogram, which he didn't even seem to notice.  So Jackie was able to hold and pray for Justin the entire time.  The NICU chaplain also made her rounds while Jackie was there and stopped to talk for quite a while.  She was really great to speak with and also prayed for Justin's continued strengthening and healing as he still has quite a journey to make before being able to come home probably in February/March.  He has already made so many accomplishments and even many of the nurses are encouraged by his progress.

Latest Update
Friday December 10, 2004

Justin is 3 weeks old today!  As I (Jackie) begin this update, it is 8:51 am.  Exactly 3 weeks ago I had just given birth to Tyler (Baby A), and had just been "put under" for Justin (Baby B) to be born c-section.  As I look back this was one of the best days of my entire life.  What a miracle it is to be able to bring 2 beautiful twin boys into the world, even as premature as they were.  

I want everyone to know that both Tyler and Justin, although we were told were fraternal twins, were every bit identical.   In the words of a doctor who assisted with their delivery, "they were perfect beautiful boys".  So as we continue to watch Justin grow, please know that we are also seeing a mirror image of what Tyler looks like in heaven.

Brad and I are so thankful for the generosity and support everyone continues to shower upon us.  It is so great and we cannot begin to tell you how much that means to us!!  We thank God for giving Justin strength and also for giving us strength to continue on one day at a time.  "He is my refuge and fortress, my God in whom I trust"; "He will cover you with his feathers and under His wings you will find refuge." Psalm 91 

Later today we will get the results back on the brain sonogram.  We believe and stand firm that Justin will continue improving!  Thank you for your continued prayers and thoughts for us all.  As Christmas quickly approaches, please take special time to enjoy it with your family and friends, to pause and be thankful for all the blessings you have and especially remember the true "reason for the season".  

As well as everything had been going, sadly and unbelievably, Friday pm, Justin took an irreversible turn for the worst.  This sometimes happens with preemies this young when they have so much going on in their tiny, premature bodies.  When Jackie called to get an update on him about noon, she learned that he had not been doing well that morning.  She informed the nurse they would be over later in the afternoon as they'd made arrangements to stay at the guest house that night.  Then Brad received a call from the NICU about 2 pm informing us that he still wasn't increasing his heart rate (even with meds) and he was on 100% oxygen from the ventilator (not breathing on his own) and informed we should get there as soon as possible.  

So we rushed over, praying so hard the entire trip to the hospital for our sweet Justin!  When we arrived, his condition was still worsening.  They had attempted to put him back on the larger ventilator, which failed.  X-rays showed fluid on the lungs and the brain scan had showed more blood in the ventricles as well.  His tiny body had fought the good fight all it could.  Thankfully, we were able to hold him and comfort him as he breathed his last breaths.  What a precious beautiful baby!  He had developed  a very sweet disposition and it comforts us to know he is in heaven with Tyler, free from all the tubes and monitors.  Yet the sadness we feel is like none we can explain.   It is a blessing that  we were able to know and bond with sweet baby Justin for the 3 weeks and 7.5 hours he was here on this earth.  We are still so proud of him and Tyler too. 

We are home resting and grieving.  There will be a service for Justin, much like Tylers', mid-week.  Once arrangements have been made, it will be posted on the website as well as in the Pantagraph.  

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers through this extremely difficult time of loss.  

In remembrance of Tyler Michael Dearing, November 18, 2004 to November 19, 2004, and Justin Michael Dearing, November 18, 2004 to December 10, 2004:

2 Timothy 4:7 & 8 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day...

The light of God Surrounds you, The Love of God Enfolds You, The Power of God Protects You, The Presence of God Watches Over You, Wherever You Are, God Is and All is Well.

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam.  And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world.  But then it flies on again, and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel so lucky to have seen it.

A service for Justin, similar to Tyler's, will be held Tuesday at 2:00 pm at the West Twin Grove Christian Church and Rosewood cemetery just north of the church (Rt 9 West 4 miles past Farm & Fleet).  Everyone is welcome to attend and is invited to our home after the service.   

In Loving Memory of Justin Michael Dearing.

Tuesday December 14, 2004

Justin Michael Dearing is laid to rest next to Tyler Michael Dearing at Rosewood cemetery, Bloomington, IL.  Back together again, in heaven.

Thank you to everyone for your continued thoughts and prayers.  We feel we have been truly blessed to have been given the opportunity to love children, as parents.  We have also been blessed to have the friends and family to share and comfort us during this time of loss.  Thank you again!

A most heartfelt and loving thank you goes out to the Doctors, Nurses and staff at Carle hospital in Urbana. Thank You for all you do!!!! Your love and kindness are priceless.  Your thoughts, prayers and compassion have brought so much comfort.  Thank you!